While the concept of cellular phones may seem like some kind of magic and wizardry to those of us from simpler times, I think it’s safe to say that no, your phone company does not employ the work of otherworldly interdimensional beings to hang out in your phone to ensure all your text messages are being both transported and received properly, so you (and your government) can know where your “dawgs at,” and so you can play Tetris on the bus while trying to ignore the presence of a creepy old lady in the back with a giant mole and the pleasantly powerful aroma of hot dogs gone wrong wafting its way about the bus like a vigilant night watchman guarding the most precious of jewels.
Besides, everyone knows that the legions of the undead are too busy shoving furniture around, appearing in mirrors, and making noises out of nowhere in order to comfort the people they left when they died.
Still! Take a look at this video! It’s really cool!
Hey, have you got about 15 minutes? Those of you evolved human beings who have the capacity to imagine a world outside of themselves may want to have a look at this video.
Yes, folks, America’s war of terror is working in full effect. And your tax dollars are supporting it! A man from one of our ally countries can’t even come for a visit without being violated in just about every conceivable way by a bunch of incompetent mindless apes in uniform with big “I own you” badges on their chests.
Wow, an established YouTuber from Australia decides to fulfill his desire to meet friends in America was stopped in his tracks, physically violated, turned around, shipped back, and banned from the country. The black, bubbling, cauldron of filth that is the abstract concept of terrorism is being kept at bay! Thank you, arbitrary chunk of land I was born on with a history I personally I have nothing to do with! Keep frightening the rest of the world! America wins again!
Here is a fun video response! May contain peanuts and naughty cursing words!
Aynowthur wowne. Wurd 2 yer mothers. This time, we take on a game that is solely responsible for the ruthless murders of fifty puppies and has turned countless kids to crack-cocaine. Are you morally outraged yet? You should be.
Hello, all! Impar here. Me and CptDeelishus just made another review to justify our time being spent building our hand-eye coordination and making ourselves into better people by playing video games. You ought to give it a read because you have much more important and more interesting things that you should be doing right now instead of this. But you’ll do it anyway because you want to humor us. You’re cool like that.
Now, it has become apparent to me that my “descriptions” of video games while purposely misleading, may not be all too apparently so. Sorry about the Voxelstein thing - The joke was that the game in concept was so … meh … that I’d have to completely make up a description that had nothing to do with my actual experience with the game. I personally didn’t think I had to explain this at first, but after looking back at it, there really isn’t anything to tell the reader otherwise. So, from now on, keep this in mind!
I have created a review for Diablo II. The game is solely based upon you saving the lives of poor animals and creatures tormented by their masters. You set off in the Rogue Encampment starting with nearly nothing in your inventory. So, your quest begins to figure out why these horrible people attempt to destroy the lives of such creatures.
In this game, by Blizzard, you are asked to, by Warriv - the town clown - to rescue wild animals in the woods. You do that by attracting the animals with food, potions, or skills your character is capable of doing.
Word to all your mothers out there, people. ‘Cuz there’s a new kid in town. And he’s got all the magic beans and a palace in the sky.
Hey. Never mind all that. Gametap. You can get a free account! For free! However, a free account does not give you access to all their games. It does give you access to some fairly decent games that you may consider playing once (or twice?), though! Bust-a-Move! Street Fighter II (SNES version)! PSYCHONAUTS!!! AND MROE! How, you ask? They’re ad sponsored. That means, you’ll have to watch a little commercial for another game before you start playing the game of your choice.
Go ahead and try to play any of those games. It will ask you to download the GameTap program - go ahead and do that. After it is downloaded, you must INSTALL it (double-click on the .EXE thingy you just downloaded). I’m sure you can figure it out. The process is all very streamlined and easy to use. Afterwards, you can browse their list of games through the program right there in the program, and download them, too.
If you try to play an M-rated free game, it will ask you to get an account. This doesn’t mean that you’re paying for anything. You can still get a free account - they just want to make sure little Billy’s mind isn’t being corrupted by those evil horrible video games that are turning our children to Satan, drugs, and Billy Ray Cyrus.
Alright, so have at it, then. You can even play online with other people! Like … real actual other people! IT’S LIKE YOU’RE IN THEIR ROOM EXCEPT YOU CAN’T SLAP THEM WHEN THEY BEAT YOU WITH ZANGIEF BY ONLY USING THE STUPID LITTLE LEG SWEEP MOVE.
Unfortunately, my experience online so far has been very laggy …
Alright. Sorry for the lack of updates to the blog, and my not doing anything in the forum lately. Stuff.
Expect game reviews here soon. Me and maybe CptDeelishus will be doing that. Don’t expect any normal (or actually helpful) reviews, though. We will find a way to make them … special.
About
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death and we are the imagination of ourselves!
